THE CLIMATE CRISIS MUST BE THE MOST HACKNEYED AND BORING THING EVER. IT'S CONSTANT NAGGING ABOUT OZONE LAYERS, SUV's AND SOME POOR POLAR BEARS THAT ARE ABOUT TO DIE OUT. STEP OUT OF THE DOOR WITHOUT GETTING BOMBARDED WITH DIFFERENT TYPES OF "SAVE THE WORLD" -CAMPAIGNS FROM POLITICANS, MEDIA AND COMMERCIALS WHO JUST WANNA LICK YOUR ASS. FEEL LIKE GIVING UP? THE ALTERNATIVE WAY IS TO FUCK THINGS UP!
BY: LINN MARCUSSON
In December, representatives from 190 of the world's governments will gather in Copenhagen. Populist world-saving whining to the maximum. New climate contract shall be formed and agreed. The world's FATE will try to be rescued with percentage units and diplomatic meetings. The intention of trying to reduce global emissions and prevent climate change is of course good. But these climate contracts are unfortunately nothing that will make any major changes. They are based on the maintenance of a capitalistic world built on hierarchies, economical globalization and exploitation. An equation which is pretty bad if we don’t want to drown in rising sea levels or start SNORT CARBON DIOXIDE. Our world-saving superheroes seem to be the ones who give exploitation of nature its greedy grin.
The meeting in Copenhagen will, in other words, neither rescue you, your grandchildren's children nor the FUNNY ANIMALS you watch on You Tube. The best world-saving action the politicians in Copenhagen can do is probably to go and kill them selves.
Illustration: Karin Roberts
SO WHAT TO DO THEN?
Ecology seems to have become our world-saving solution. Everyone is wearing trendy organic outfits with a self-righteous grin. It’s like the new black. We can continue to consume as hell and still behave as politically correct environment bullies because we think we’re so damn eco-conscious. A membership in GREENPEACE is like the new golden ticket for getting laid.
All this climate crisis whining and the organic hype really got me fed up. Instead of becoming a commercialized trendy hippie, I became an asshole. I stopped recycle, began to eat MEAT, shopped myself happy and hoped that the human race would die out as soon as possible. Pretty egoistic and IMMATURE. But damn nice.
My middle-class good citizen complexes and all the up-tight moralists were of course not late in giving me a bad conscience though. I couldn’t be an asshole any longer. I felt too RESPONSIBLE to continue ignoring that my egoistic TRASH life would affect others. I was too aware of my asshole behavior only was a result of that it’s not me and my rich western world representation that would suffer first.
So after a really long period of filthy living I came up with a constructive list to save the world:
CLIMAT SMART - THE CONSTRUCTIVE AND REVOLUTIONARY WAY
1. KILL ALL IDIOTS The fewer people in the world, the better
2. DON'T FUCK FOR REPRODUCING Kids are just annoying consumption traps that will grow up to be fucked up results of a fucked up world.
3. EAT THE KIDS THAT ALREADY EXIST FOR DINNER
GIVE UP IS NOT THE ANSWER. TO FUCK UP IS!