LIV TYLER/ ELLEN VON UNWERTH

Fuck. I'm a broke ass niggah again and it's one week left until payday. Gotta find a rich bastard to rob or marry tonight.

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JENS STOLTZE

The reason I got Facebook was that I thought people would write that they wanted to fuck in their status uppdates. Like an inofficial fuck site. But it’s really no action. Not even a little fun. I only get boring information about boring people I did not want to know since I stopped talking to them at highschool.

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DANA LAUREN GOLDSTEIN

I hate my life right now. Some fancy moves in the metro yesterday night resulted in a sprained finger and total retardation. Now I have to write, masturbate and wipe my ass with my LEFT hand. It sounds pretty lame, but this is fuckin serious shit! Am about to to die or something!

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ILLUSTRATION/ERIK SÖDERLIND

I got 20 kr left until payday. For you non-swedes is it what you can get two cheeseburgers for at Mc Donalds. I eat porridge without milk and steal toilet paper from the University. I’m a stinky, starving douchebag who can't even afford a deodorant.

On thursday is it time to hand in an essay. I write about how to be subversive with heterosexual fucking. Extremely scholarly. It’s gonna be damn embarassing to do a presentation on this. The problem isn't how my teachers will react to my analsex analysis. It’s how the hell I’m gonna carry through a proper presentation of my theories while I’m being a nasty smelling dying Jesus that no one could ever have wanted to fuck.

PLEASE SOMEONE, FEED ME AND BUY ME A DEODORANT!!!!

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WWW.JBLYTH.COM/BLOG

KAROLINA HENKEALLOMFATTANDE.BLOGG.SEDAVE SHUBERT

A to the D to the H to the D. Woke up at nine. Dirty disco instead of breakfast. Aveneu D's "Do I Look Like A Slut, funky fly outfit and a great overconsumption of orange lipstick. My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack. Ready for work. 

Then something happened. A total knock out. I could'nt even keep my eyes open. In one minute had all this rave to the motherfucki'n grave pep been transformed into wackness. Realized I'd taken the wrong medicine. Sleeping pills instead of "become a decent citizen" pills. So I stumbled to bed and slept the whole day. Now it's party time and I only feel like puking.

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HENRIK VIBSKOV - THE FRINGE PROJECTS

I sold my brain on Ebay yesterday. Thinking only makes you suicidal. Now it's all about bitches, bling and fancy cars again.

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TERRY RICHARDSON - MOM

You know you’ve reached maturity when you wake up from a dream of Pacman, find yourself masturbating, don't know know where you are or who you are. Then you remember you’ve just stayed at home all night. Got drunk and watched "Blood in Blood out" with the attitude that the world sucks and everyone’s so fucking retarded that it’s not even worth to go clubbing anymore.

High on life. I really love myself today.

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www.fatsarazzi.co.uk

I had my hair cut last week. That was good. I looked cool. FOR LIKE TWO HOURS. Then this motherfucking hipster hairstyle got transformed into some kind of Nick Carter look from -97. And sure, that could’ve been cute. If I’d been like twelve years old and didn’t have a face worn out as grannys’s old denture.

So here I am. A mix of boyish Carter and Curt Cobain just before the OD. Hoping the swine flue’s gonna kill me as soon as possible.

Great

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Thomas Cap de ville

I spent three weeks in Southern Europe this summer. I won’t tell you which country cause some whiny bastard surley would be offended and crash my (non existing) car. Anyway. Three weeks of vacation. In fact it was work. But still I had a great illusion of numberless hotties and rum and coke by the sea.  And there I was. In the paradise of nature. But everyone looked like shit. And the few who didn’t were anyhow dressed like hippies from 92.

At first I got really pissed of. I wanted to send them all into one of the bad Style Doctor programs on Channel 3. Obviously I couldn’t (and still can’t) handle ugly people. I take them for retards. All kind of political correctness was unexisting and my unsatisfactioned self was in a war with all those happy scumbags.

After one week though, I found out uglyness was the shit. I’ve never been as focused in my whole life as I was during those three weeks. Suddenly I was hatching ideas like an overloaded jukebox and my brain was an everlasting orgasm of creativity. And so on, I gave the conspiratorial world of beauty my crooked Fuck You finger and started my life as a happy ever after, badlooking geek. Awesome.

And now. Back in Stockholm. I can’t even go out. Everyone is too fuckable. When I was a kid I learned that it’s not okey to eat candy before the dinner. And here I am, 24 years old in a world were you rather eat pussy instead of having dinner at all. Great. This life killing me. I can’t concentrate and I really can’t get anything done. I’m all occupied with dirty thoughts and unchristian beahvior. My creativity is dead. I’ve become a mixture of Hugh Hefner and Charlie Sheen. Trying to do something meaningful but in the end it’s all about bitches, bling and fancy cars. Revolutionary. Not.

I think I have to move to Germany. I need some pure uglyness and a view of the world that isn’t 50 cents.

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jblyth.com/blog

Life is like a bad commercial . You’ll never get that good stuff you were expecting. You realize Santa Claus is just your drunk uncle, get herpes, middleage crisis and then you die.

We´re running around like coke snorting hamsters. Searching for the perfect version of everything. A permanent striving after happiness we can’t even reach. We’re too busy filling our Fancy lifes with Fancy content.

Get drunk, get laid and never become satisfied. There’ll always be a cooler outfit and a better tune. Rihanna sings Live Your Life and we got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.

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